Der Hobbit in mir

… hört auf den Namen Berilac Boffin of Whitfurrows!

Woher ich das weiss? Nein, ich bin nicht schizophren und führe Gespräche mit mir selbst. (Naja, gelegentlich schon …) 😉

Chris Wetherells Hobbit Name Generator hat’s mir verraten!

Und einen Elbennamen haben wir (Me, Myself & I?) natürlich auch: Amras Mithrandír!

Und wie lauten Eure Namen, werter Reisender? 🙂

Stoibers gestammelte Werke

Edmund Stoiber feiert heute seinen 65. Geburtstag!


Ein schöner Anlass, um sich seine lustigsten Versprecher noch einmal zu Gemüte zu führen. Hier gibt’s die volle Dosis StoiBär:

Rushmes Stoiber Stilblüten-Sammlung

SPEZIALANDYs Stoiber-Fanclub

Natürlich inklusive aller Klassiker wie dem Problembär und „Zehn Minuten!“

Und als kleines „Schmankerl“ gibt’s den Transrapid-Clip von FAKT noch direkt als YouTube-Video:

The LEGO Star Wars Experience

Und nun die perfekte Synthese der beiden vorangegangenen Themen:

LEGO + Star Wars!

LEGO Republic Star Destroyer

Ein riesiger Sternenzerstörer der Republik aus Episode III!

Auch ganz nett auf Greg’s Comics!

Extra Pieces New Pilot


Nach der LEGO-Bibel noch ein weiteres beeindruckendes LEGO-Projekt:

LEGO Aircraft Carrier

Der U.S. Navy Flugzeugträger „Harry S. Truman“ von Malle Hawking aka Weebleleezer.

5 m lang, 160 kg schwer, über 200.000 verbaute Steine, Bauzeit > 1 Jahr.

Inklusive komplettem Innenausbau (siehe Galerie). Respekt!

Star Wars Rocks!

Star Wars Rocks!

Bible reloaded!

Und hier noch eine weitere Zusammenstellung von Stilblüten (siehe auch History rewritten!)

Diesmal geht es um Personen und Geschichten aus der Bibel!

The Revised Nonstandard Bible — May 11, 1996

It is truly astonishing what happens to Bible stories when they are retold by young scholars around the world. Here is an excerpt from a chapter in Fractured English, which will be published by Pocket Books this October.

The Bible is full of many interesting caricatures. Michael Angelo painted them on the Sixteen Chapels.

The first five books of the Bible are Genesis, Exodus, Laxatives, Deuteronomy, and Numbers. In the first book of the Bible, Guinessis, God got tired of creating the world, so he took the Sabbath off. Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. One of their children, Cain, asked, „Am I my brother’s son? My punishment is greater than I can bare.“

Noah’s wife was called Joan of Ark. He built an ark, which the animals came on to in pears. Lot’s wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night. Saddam and Gomorrah were twins.

Abraham begat Isaac and Isaac begat Jacob and Jacob begat 12 partridges. God asked Abraham to sacrifice Isaac on Mount Montezuma. Abraham took Isaac up the mountain to be circumcised. Jacob, son of Isaac, stole his brother, Esau’s birthmark. Esau was a man who wrote fables and sold his copyright for a mess of potash. Jacob was a patriarch who brought up his 12 sons to be patriarchs, but they did not take to it. One of Jacob’s sons, Joseph, gave refuse to the Israelites.

The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with the unsympathetic Genitals. Samson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a Jezebel like Delilah. Samson slayed the Philistines with the axe of the apostles. He slayed them by pulling down the pillows of the temple.

Pharaoh forced the Hebrew slaves to make beds without straw. Moses was an Egyptian who lived in a hark made of bullrushes. Moses led the Hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread, which is bread made without any ingredients. The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert.

Afterwards, Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the Ten Amendments. The First Commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple. The Fifth Commandment is humor thy father and mother. The Seventh Commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery. The Ninth Commandment is thou salt not bare faults witness.

Moses ate nothing but whales and manner for 40 years. He died before he ever reached Canada. Then, Joshua led the Hebrews in the battle of Geritol. The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him.

David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. He wrote psalms. They are called psalms because he sang them while playing the harmonica. David also fought with the Finkelsteins, a race of people who lived in Biblical times. Solomon, one of David’s sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.

Later came Job, who had one trouble after another. Eventually, he lost all his cattle and all his children and had to go live alone with his wife in the desert. Then came Shadrach, Meshach, and To Bed We Go, and then Salome, who was a wicked woman who wore very few clothes and took them off when she danced before Harrods.

When Mary heard that she was the Mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna Carta. When the three wise guys from the East Side arrived, they found Jesus in the manager wrapped in waddling clothes. In the Gospel of Luke they named him Enamel. Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption. St. John, the Blacksmith, dumped water on his head.

Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which says to do one to others before they do one to you. He wrote the „B“ Attitudes and explained, „Man doth not live by sweat alone.“ Jesus was crucified on his way to Calgary. It was a miracle when he rose from the dead and managed to get the tomb stone off the entrance.

The people who followed the Lord were called the 12 decibels. The epistles were the wives of the apostles. One of the opossums was St. Matthew, who was by profession a taximan.

St. Paul cavorted to Christianity. He preached holy acrimony, which is another name for marriage. A Christian should have only one wife. This is called monotony. The natives of Macedonia did not believe in Paul, so he got stoned.

Other Christians were condemned to death in large groups. They entered the arena to face wild lions singing hymns of praise in the name of the Father, the Son, and In-the-Hole-He-Goes. The Romans went to the coliseum to watch the Christians die for the fun of it. But, as Mel Brooks says, „The meek shall inherit the earth.“

© Richard Lederer

History rewritten!

Frau awa hat vor kurzem einige englische Stilblüten gepostet, über die ich mich köstlich amüsiert habe. Dadurch inspiriert habe ich gleich noch ein bisschen weitergegoogelt und das Ergebnis präsentiere ich Euch nun hier.

Viel Spaß beim Lesen … auch wenn der Text etwas länger und auf Englisch ist. Aber es lohnt sich – echt! Und falls Euer Englisch etwas eingerostet ist, findet Ihr in der rechten Spalte unter „Nachschlagen“ auch einige Links zu Englisch-Wörterbüchern.

The World According to Student Bloopers

Richard Lederer
St. Paul’s School

One of the fringe benefits of being an English or History teacher is receiving the occasional jewel of a student blooper in an essay. I have pasted together the following „history“ of the world from certifiably genuine student bloopers collected by teachers throughout the United States, from eight grade through college level. Read carefully, and you will learn a lot.

The inhabitants of Egypt were called mummies. They lived in the Sarah Dessert and traveled by Camelot. The climate of the Sarah is such that the inhabitants have to live elsewhere, so certain areas of the dessert are cultivated by irritation. The Egyptians built the Pyramids in the shape of a huge triangular cube. The Pramids are a range of mountains between France and Spain.

The Bible is full of interesting caricatures. In the first book of the Bible, Guinesses, Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. One of their children, Cain, asked „Am I my brother’s son?“ God asked Abraham to sacrifice Issac on Mount Montezuma. Jacob, son of Issac, stole his brother’s birthmark. Jacob was a partiarch who brought up his twelve sons to be partiarchs, but they did not take to it. One of Jacob’s sons, Joseph, gave refuse to the Israelites.

Pharaoh forced the Hebrew slaves to make bread without straw. Moses led them to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread, which is bread made without any ingredients. Afterwards, Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandments. David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. He fought with the Philatelists, a race of people who lived in Biblical times. Solomon, one of David’s sons, had 500 wives and 500 porcupines.

Without the Greeks, we wouldn’t have history. The Greeks invented three kinds of columns – Corinthian, Doric and Ironic. They also had myths. A myth is a female moth. One myth says that the mother of Achilles dipped him in the River Stynx until he became intolerable. Achilles appears in „The Illiad“, by Homer. Homer also wrote the „Oddity“, in which Penelope was the last hardship that Ulysses endured on his journey. Actually, Homer was not written by Homer but by another man of that name.

Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people advice. They killed him. Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock.

In the Olympic Games, Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled the biscuits, and threw the java. The reward to the victor was a coral wreath. The government of Athen was democratic because the people took the law into their own hands. There were no wars in Greece, as the mountains were so high that they couldn’t climb over to see what their neighbors were doing. When they fought the Parisians, the Greeks were outnumbered because the Persians had more men.

Eventually, the Ramons conquered the Geeks. History calls people Romans because they never stayed in one place for very long. At Roman banquets, the guests wore garlic in their hair. Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of Gaul. The Ides of March killed him because they thought he was going to be made king. Nero was a cruel tyrany who would torture his poor subjects by playing the fiddle to them.

Then came the Middle Ages. King Alfred conquered the Dames, King Arthur lived in the Age of Shivery, King Harlod mustarded his troops before the Battle of Hastings, Joan of Arc was cannonized by George Bernard Shaw, and the victims of the Black Death grew boobs on their necks. Finally, the Magna Carta provided that no free man should be hanged twice for the same offense.

In midevil times most of the people were alliterate. The greatest writer of the time was Chaucer, who wrote many poems and verse and also wrote literature. Another tale tells of William Tell, who shot an arrow through an apple while standing on his son’s head.

The Renaissance was an age in which more individuals felt the value of their human being. Martin Luther was nailed to the church door at Wittenberg for selling papal indulgences. He died a horrible death, being excommunicated by a bull. It was the painter Donatello’s interest in the female nude that made him the father of the Renaissance. It was an age of great inventions and discoveries. Gutenberg invented the Bible. Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure because he invented cigarettes. Another important invention was the circulation of blood. Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100-foot clipper.

The government of England was a limited mockery. Henry VIII found walking difficult because he had an abbess on his knee. Queen Elizabeth was the „Virgin Queen.“ As a queen she was a success. When Elizabeth exposed herself before her troops, they all shouted „Hurrah.“ Then her navy went out and defeated the Spanish Armadillo.

The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespear. Shakespear never made much money and is famous only because of his plays. He lived in Windsor with his merry wives, writing tragedies, comedies and errors. In one of Shakespear’s famous plays, Hamlet rations out his situation by relieving himself in a long soliloquy. In another, Lady Macbeth tries to convince Macbeth to kill the King by attacking his manhood. Romeo and Juliet are an example of a heroic couplet. Writing at the same time as Shakespear was Miguel Cervantes. He wrote „Donkey Hote“. The next great author was John Milton. Milton wrote „Paradise Lost.“ Then his wife dies and he wrote „Paradise Regained.“

During the Renaissance America began. Christopher Columbus was a great navigator who discovered America while cursing about the Atlantic. His ships were called the Nina, the Pinta, and the Santa Fe. Later the Pilgrims crossed the Ocean, and this was called the Pilgrim’s Progress. When they landed at Plymouth Rock, they were greeted by Indians, who came down the hill rolling their war hoops before them. The Indian squabs carried porposies on their back. Many of the Indian heroes were killed, along with their cabooses, which proved very fatal to them. The winter of 1620 was a hard one for the settlers. Many people died and many babies were born. Captain John Smith was responsible for all this.

One of the causes of the Revolutionary Wars was the English put tacks in their tea. Also, the colonists would send their parcels through the post without stamps. During the War, Red Coats and Paul Revere was throwing balls over stone walls. The dogs were barking and the peacocks crowing. Finally, the colonists won the War and no longer had to pay for taxis.

Delegates from the original thirteen states formed the Contented Congress. Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin, and Benjamin Franklin were two singers of the Declaration of Independence. Franklin had gone to Boston carrying all his clothes in his pocket and a loaf of bread under each arm. He invented electricity by rubbing cats backwards and declared „a horse divided against itself cannot stand.“ Franklin died in 1790 and is still dead.

George Washington married Martha Curtis and in due time became the Father of Our Country. Then the Constitution of the United States was adopted to secure domestic hostility. Under the Constitution the people enjoyed the right to keep bare arms.

Abraham Lincoln became America’s greatest Precedent. Lincoln’s mother died in infancy, and he was born in a log cabin which he built with his own hands. When Lincoln was President, he wore only a tall silk hat. He said, „In onion there is strength.“ Abraham Lincoln wrote the Gettysburg address while traveling from Washington to Gettysburg on the back of an envelope. He also signed the Emasculation Proclamation, and the Fourteenth Amendment gave the ex-Negroes citizenship. But the Clue Clux Clan would torcher and lynch the ex-Negroes and other innocent victims. On the night of April 14, 1865, Lincoln went to the theater and got shot in his seat by one of the actors in a moving picture show. The believed assinator was John Wilkes Booth, a supposedly insane actor. This ruined Booth’s career.

Meanwhile in Europe, the enlightenment was a reasonable time. Voltare invented electricity and also wrote a book called „Candy.“ Gravity was invented by Issac Walton. It is chiefly noticeable in the Autumn, when the apples are falling off the trees.

Bach was the most famous composer in the world, and so was Handel. Handel was half German, half Italian and half English. He was very large. Bach died from 1750 to the present. Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf he wrote loud music. He took long walks in the forest even when everyone was calling for him. Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died for this.

France was in a very serious state. The French Revolution was accomplished before it happened. The Marseillaise was the theme song of the French Revolution, and it catapulted into Napoleon. During the Napoleonic Wars, the crowned heads of Europe were trembling in their shoes. Then the Spanish gorrilas came down from the hills and nipped at Napoleon’s flanks. Napoleon became ill with bladder problems and was very tense and unrestrained. He wanted an heir to inheret his power, but since Josephine was a baroness, she couldn’t bear children.

The sun never set on the British Empire because the British Empire is in the East and the sun sets in the West. Queen Victoria was the longest queen. She sat on a thorn for 63 years. Her reclining years and finally the end of her life were exemplary of a great personality. Her death was the final event which ended her reign.

The nineteenth century was a time of many great inventions and thoughts. The invention of the steamboat caused a network of rivers to spring up. Cyrus McCormick invented the McCormick Raper, which did the work of a hundred men. Samuel Morse invented a code of telepathy. Louis Pastuer discovered a cure for rabbis. Charles Darwin was a naturailst who wrote the „Organ of the Species“. Madman Curie discovered radium. And Karl Marx became one of the Marx Brothers.

The First World War, caused by the assignation of the Arch-Duck by a surf, ushered in a new error in the anals of human history.

(Spring 1987, Verbatim, The Language Quarterly, Vol. XIII, No. 4)

Words of Wisdom

It only takes one tree to make a thousand matches,
It only takes one match to burn a thousand trees!


Stereophonics - A Thousand Trees Stereophonics - Word Gets Around


Von thwidra habe ich heute ein Stöckchen gefangen. (Danke!)

Dabei geht es um 10 Bücher, die bei mir ungelesen ihr Dasein im Bücherregal fristen. Kein Problem, ungelesene Bücher gibt’s bei mir genug! Allerdings nicht, weil die Schmöker für mich nicht von Interesse wären, sondern vielmehr, weil ich in letzter Zeit kaum noch zum (Bücher) Lesen komme … zuhause verbringe ich den Großteil meiner Freizeit eher vor dem Rechner oder vor dem Fernseher. Bleibt also nur noch die tägliche Bahnfahrt zur Arbeit und zurück, aber da treffe ich auch oft genug Bekannte, mit denen ich mich dann lieber unterhalte … Tja, man hat’s halt nicht leicht, sich als Medien-Junkie seine Zeit einzuteilen! 😉

Nun aber ganz konkret zu den „unberührten“ Werken:

  1. Douglas Adams – The Ultimate Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy: die Komplettausgabe der kultigen „Trilogie in 5 Bänden“ in einem Band. Gleichzeitig das einzige Buch in dieser Liste, das ich tatsächlich angefangen, aber bis heute nicht zu Ende gelesen habe! Bei Seite 492 von 815 steckt noch das Buchzeichen. Das ist irgendwo im 5. Kapitel des 4. Bandes So Long, and Thanks for All the Fish. Immerhin so weit habe ich es geschafft! Aber dann wurd’s irgendwie langweilig. Ich habe auf jeden Fall vor, es irgendwann mal zu Ende zu lesen, aber ich befürchte, daß ich dann nochmal ganz von vorne anfangen muß. Ich hab‘ halt so ein furchtbar schlechtes Gedächtnis! 😦
  2. Terry Pratchett – diverse Discworld-Romane: ich liebe Terry Pratchett und ich liebe die Scheibenwelt! Spannende Stories, abgedrehte, aber liebenswerte Charaktere, jede Menge skuriller Einfälle und ein phänomenaler Wortwitz, der allerdings erst im englischen Original seine volle Wirkung entfaltet. Über den deutschen Doppelband mit Pyramiden und MacBest eingestiegen und dann über die Death Trilogy mit Mort, Reaper Man und Soul Music auf den Originaltext umgestiegen, habe ich anschließend begonnen, die komplette Serie in der Reihenfolge der Veröffentlichung zu lesen (kein absolutes Muß, aber es hilft, diverse Anspielungen und Referenzen besser zu verstehen!), angefangen bei The Colour of Magic. Zuletzt gelesen: Jingo (genial!), als nächstes steht The Last Continent an, der 22. Titel in der Reihe mit mittlerweile 30 Bänden (das illustrierte The Last Hero mal ausgeklammert). Bis auf Thud!, das gerade erst als Paperback erschienen ist, stehen auch schon alle Discworld-Romane bei mir im Regal, das macht also gleich mal 8 ungelesene Bücher auf einen Schlag! Aber eben alles schön der Reihe nach!
  3. Tom Clancy – diverse Romane aus dem Jack Ryan-Universum: über die Verflimungen mit Sean Connery (Jagd auf roter Oktober), sowie Harrison Ford (Die Stunde der Patrioten, Das Kartell) und den deutschen Roman zu letzerem Film auf Tom Clancys Militär/Spionage/Polit-Thriller aufmerksam geworden. Danach habe ich noch die beiden seinerzeit jeweils neuesten Bücher Rainbow Six (sehr spannend) und The Bear and the Dragon (stellenweise etwas langatmig, aber trotzdem interessant) im Original gelesen. Sehr interessant an der Serie finde ich, den Werdegang der Figur Jack Ryan zu verfolgen, der vom einfachen CIA-Analysten bis zum US-Präsidenten aufsteigt, sowie der diversen Nebenfiguren, die auch in unterschiedlichen Büchern oft wiederholte Auftritte haben. Ganz konkret habe ich mir aus der Serie noch folgende Rosinen herausgepickt, die bei mir schon seit geraumer Zeit im Regal stehen: Without Remorse, das sich mit der Vergangenheit von CIA-Legende John Clark beschäftigt, sowie Debt of Honor, das von einem verheerenden Anschlag handelt, bei dem ein Passagierflugzeug in das Capitol stürzt, was den US-Präsidenten und große Teile des Kongresses das Leben kostet (und das alles lange vor dem 11. September 2001!) und last but not least Executive Orders, das direkt an Debt of Honor anschliesst und sich um den Beginn der Präsidentschaft von Jack Ryan dreht. Der typische Clancy-Roman mit seinen teils sehr detaillierten Beschreibungen hat dann auch so im Schnitt seine 1000 Seiten. D.h. da liegt noch einiges an „Arbeit“ vor mir …
  4. J.K. Rowling – Harry Potter and the Pilosopher’s Stone: ein Geburtstagsgeschenk. Ich kenne bisher nur die Verfilmungen. Die totale Pottermania hat mich bis jetzt aber noch nicht gepackt. Obwohl ich dem Thema grundsätzlich nicht abgeneigt bin. Eigentlich hatte ich vor, zu warten, bis alle 7 Bände erschienen sind und mir dann ein schmuckes Boxset mit den englischen Paperbacks zuzulegen, aber man kann sich die Bücher natürlich auch einzeln kaufen. (Oder schenken lassen!)
  5. C.S. Lewis – Space Trilogy Boxset: beinhaltet die 3 Bände Out of the Silent Planet, Perelandra und That Hideous Strength, in einem schönen Schuber. Vom Author der Chronicles of Narnia; mischt eine SciFi-Story mit christlichen Motiven.
  6. Glenn Meade – Snow Wolf: Spionage-Thriller, der ein historisches Szenario (Kalter Krieg) mit einer ordentlichen Portion Fiction anreichert. Dreh- und Angelpunkt ist wohl ein von der CIA geplantes Attentat auf Stalin. Beim Stöbern bei Amazon entdeckt und gleich mal zugegriffen. Aber zunächst noch in der Warteschleife …
  7. Ken Follett – The Pillars of the Earth: Riesen-Bestseller, zu dem ich wohl nicht mehr viel Worte verlieren muß. Schon viel Gutes darüber gehört, deshalb schonmal vorsorglich ins Regal gestellt …
  8. George Orwell – 1984: Klassiker, den ich schon immer mal lesen wollte. Jetzt habe ich ihn zumindest schonmal im Regal stehen … natürlich im Original!
  9. Reinhard Junker – Leben – woher? Eigentlich lese ich ja kaum Sachbücher. Dieses war ein Geschenk und beschäftigt sich mit dem „Spannungsfeld Schöpfung/Evolution“. Ein interessantes Thema, das wir auch in unserem Hauskreis mal wieder behandeln wollen. Vielleicht schaffe ich es ja, bis dahin das Buch zu lesen …

Ok, die Liste hat zugegeben nur 9 Einträge, enthält aber effektiv weit mehr als 10 Bücher, Punkt 2 umfasst ja schon alleine 8 Titel. Das ist er also, der Bücherstapel, der mich mit Sicherheit noch eine Weile beschäftigen wird!

So, und jetzt wird das Stöckchen natürlich noch weitergeworfen, und zwar an Philipp und

Alle anderen, bei denen ich halbwegs regelmäßig lese und auch mal poste, haben das Stöckchen schon bekommen, so z.B. Inishmore, die Gräfin, Miss Sophie und Löwenzahn.

Und weil’s so schön zum Thema passt, habe ich das gleich zum Anlass genommen, mir endlich einen Account bei LibraryThing anzulegen und mal einen Teil meiner Bücher zu katalogisieren. Ein schöner, neuer „Social Cataloging“ Service, den ich jedem Bücherwurm ans Herz legen möchte. Hier gibt’s also mein virtuelles Bücherregal! Ein Großteil der oben genannten Titel ist bereits enthalten, der Rest wird bei Gelegenheit noch nachgepflegt.

Der Link zum Sonntag

Dass LEGO nicht nur ein Kinderspielzeug ist, wissen wir spätestens seit Projekten wie „Die Helden von Bern“.

Ein weiteres ambitioniertes Projekt ist The Brick Testament:

The Last Supper

Mit über einer Viertelmillion LEGO-Steinen baut der Amerikaner Brendan Powell Smith (30) biblische Geschichten nach. Das Ziel ist eine komplette illustrierte Bibel aus LEGO. Bereits jetzt sind schon viele der bekanntesten und wichtigsten Geschichten aus dem Alten und Neuen Testament realisiert und es kommen immer noch neue hinzu.

Vielleicht ist das auch eine gute Möglichkeit, Leuten, die die Bibel für ein langweiliges, antiquiertes Buch halten, die Inhalte der Bibel in zeitgemäßer Form nahezubringen.

Für mich als Christ und LEGO-Fan ist die LEGO-Bibel jedenfall ein absoluter Hit! Also: auf jeden Fall mal vorbeischauen!